02 Mar 2017

Barley Field

1. Does it feel good to tell me directly to my face that I’m very negative? I know I’m spouting poison after poision. But it would have not triggered me if you approached me in a right way.

The way you delivered your message has been the highlight of my bad day. Should I point it out to you? Or should I just hold back like I always do? Maybe I should just ignore you as much as possible. And if you approach me I would say nothing. Not because I have nothing to say. But because I don’t want you to feel that you are so much better than me. I can also poke holes to most of the things you say. But I don’t say anything. I hold back. I will just say nothing. I will not initiate the conversation anymore. If I need to vent I will just buy a small notebook. So maybe during breaks I can vent using pen and paper. Then I will publish them here.

2. There is this person who is adding more gasoline to the fire. This person thinks that he can feel a little bit satisfied by sabotaging me. I know I am my worst enemy. I am just saying that this person will never make me respect him. He just made me view him as less respectable than ever before. Is he already satisfied by what he has done? Why not just kill me? Why not assassinate me? Until the very end he is still as incompetent as before. Pride takes over. I will not give in. I would rather die than give in.

3. When I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired I sometimes feel this intense need to make things right within myself. That is why for the past two days I was able to meditate for sixty minutes per day.

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