10 Feb 2017


1. I mentioned before that I haven’t bought new clothes for over 18 months now. This frustrates me a lot because I feel like shit wearing old clothes.

It’s not because I care about what other people think of me. It’s because nothing lasts forever and my clothes and shoes are breaking down gradually. I know I need to replace them immediately, but I can’t afford to buy new ones. After 20 Apr 2017 I can reapply at this company that I applied to last 20 Oct 2016. Even if I passed, it would take another three to six months before I can afford to buy anything. During a certain period of time the salary there is just a little higher than what I’m earning right now. But after I passed certain things then and only then will they raise my salary to a level that is substantially higher to what I’m earning right now. Then I would be able to buy new clothes and shoes. And I will feel better wearing them.

2. When I get depressed I do stuff that I know will sabotage me. Instead of doing things that I know will help me move forward, I do things that bring me further down into hell. I’ve stopped using food as a crutch when I feel depressed. I’ve stopped watching movies when I feel depressed. But I still binge watch YouTube videos that will not really help me in the long run. I still have acquaintances with benefits with different women. I still procrastinate a lot. There are a lot of useless stuff that I don’t need in my apartment that I should have donated to Caritas Manila a long time ago. But they are still gathering dust at the corner of my dirty studio. One of these days I say.

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