17 Feb 2017


I don’t know if I should blame myself or other people for my lack of understanding or comprehension.

The generally mature way is to blame myself. The more mature way is to blame neither myself nor other people. And the immature way is to blame others.

Watching too many YouTube videos is worse than watching TV. But I can’t seem to control myself. I can’t stop. When I’m preparing my food, I watch food videos. When I’m eating, I watch food videos. When I’m bored, I watch music videos. Can’t stop watching. When I’m horny, I watch porn videos. And then I masturbate. Two to three times a week. Or maybe even four. Or five.

What am I doing with my life? I feel like these unhealthy addictions are contributing to my lack of comprehending what other people are saying. Or is it because I’m using more of my creative side when talking to people? This lack of inhibition makes me seem like I don’t understand what other people are saying. I just don’t want them to feel superior because it seems to them that I was not able to understand and get what they were saying.

Maybe we are just operating on different levels. Maybe, if I blame other people, I could think that most of them don’t comprehend me. Or they get what I was saying the first time I say it. I’m not saying this to feel good about myself. To feel superior to them. But on a very objective analysis of what is really happening. I honestly comprehend what they were saying. And I answer it in the most direct way possible. But they have this tendency to go round and round before saying what they want to say. Too many useless words. Beating around the bush. To have this way of talking using a lot of superfluous words. What’s the point? To be perceived as a learned person.

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